I am so tired

I'm in Madrid!! Got here on the 26th.

The fact that I was going here really truly didn’t set in until I was in the taxi on my way into the city. Like truly up until then it didn’t feel real at all.

That was the first moment where I was like what am I doing?? And also the first time I felt a little scared about doing this. It sunk in just how far away I am. Even though that was kind of the whole point. What little I've seen of the city has been really beautiful and exciting.

I stayed in Barrio de las Letras the first night. After I checked into my hostel, I took a cold shower in a nasty hostel bathroom. Then I went to a cafe nearby that overlooked a plaza and got a flat white.

Barrio de las Letras is so fun. The most notable quality of it was the large amount really niche themed shops. There was a birdhouse craft store, a giant fabric store, 2 stationary stores, a custom velvet cape store, a custom leather glove store, 2 Flamenco stores, a priest store??, a vintage toy store, and 2 yarn stores.

I also got a metro card!

I wish I could say I was having fun, but I'm really not. I came down with a fever within 48 hours of getting here and have spent most of my time either trying not to pass out on the street or in my hostel bed. A sketchy, dirty, noisy hostel is the absolute last place you want to be when you're sick. Not fun.

I also don't have an apartment yet. I'm also worried I'm going to get deported because I have to do a ton of bureaucratic stuff that I don't understand and am definitely doing wrong. I'm so tired. I haven't taken a real shower in days. I only have a meal once a day to save money. I feel so dirty and ugly and tired. As grateful as I am to be here, I really just want to be home in my bed at the moment.

The only things I can handle right now are soup and bread, so I've been trying out a lot of phở places. The silver lining of it all is that I've found that the Vietnamese food here is great! I went to a place in Chamberí and it was the actual best I've ever had in my life.

I thought that the first month or so I'd be here would be more stressful than fun because of apartment hunting and bureaucratic things. And I was right. I just want a room and a bed to myself and I want to take a shower in a clean bathroom where I don't have to worry about getting a staph infection and I'm tired of not being able to cook.

I'm really excited for when I can get an apartment and finally settle down a little and create some routine and stability for myself and hopefully make some friends. I'm excited for when I don't have a fever.

The language thing is a huge adjustment. It is actually really cool to practice my Spanish. There are some words and grammar rules that are different from Latin American Spanish which is fun. Like I've always heard sweet potatoes be called camotes, but here they say batatos. And juice is jugo everywhere else but here it's zumo.

I can get around, but I'm far from fluent. And my accent is horrific. It takes a lot more energy to do simple things like go to the grocery store and order food because I'm not used to having to use that language muscle all the time. It's really hard for me to call apartment landlords on the phone because I don't know a lot of real estate and house related vocabulary words. There have been a few times where I don't understand what they said and have to ask them to repeat themselves a few times. I also have always had a really hard time understanding Spanish people because their accents are so strong and they talk so fast. It's a lot of trial and error.

I'd better find an apartment soon or I will actually lose my mind. Pray for me.

update: as of Oct 4, I signed a lease to an apartment and I'm not sick anymore. I live with 3 European guys in a tiny apartment around the corner from plaza Olavide in Chamberí. I love Chamberí, it's a very beautiful and peaceful neighborhood. My landlord is an incredibly sketchy old Basque guy named Carlos Manuel who claims he is a dentist, but is definitely not a dentist or a medical professional of any kind. I have a room with a cool chandelier and a really nice balcony. I'm still far from settled in, but at least I'm on the path to getting there.